I'm Sorry, Harry
by ChoCedric
Summary: I'm so sorry, Harry. If I could take it away, I would." A heartfelt monologue from Sirius after the third task of the Triwizard Tournament. Seeing Harry so lost and vulnerable after witnessing such a tragedy, he sends him all the strength he can give.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

I'm Sorry, Harry

By: ChoCedric

Oh, Harry, I'm so terribly, terribly sorry. To think that you were in such danger the entire year, and I had no idea. I am so angry with Dumbledore right now; you are sitting in his office, and you are so incredibly tired. And he's making you relive the whole bloody ordeal you went through.

Oh, my poor little Prongslet. Your eyes are haunted, and your entire face looks blank, as though you haven't come to terms with reality yet. And oh, Harry, I don't blame you at all. I can't even imagine what it was like, having to see a classmate die right in front of you. You're too young, too young to have to deal with this cruelty and violence. Voldemort is the thing from every child's nightmare, only it's come alive for you. Why did fate have to deal you such a blow?

You tell me Wormtail killed Cedric Diggory, and that news makes me want to murder him even more. I should have known from the start: Peter often did things because other people told him to, and this was no different. He's just a hanger-on, clinging on to Voldemort like the vermin that he is. He killed a seventeen-year-old boy just because his Dark Lord told him to. How pathetic. What a sycophant. I can't believe us Marauders ever hung around with him. I'm so sorry I trusted him, Harry. Please believe that I never wanted to cause you pain or harm.

Oh, and when you tell me about Lily and James coming out of Voldemort's wand ... Harry, I can't help but feel bitter and raw jealousy. I know it's the last thing I should feel; I should be more concerned about the effect it's having on you. But my selfish desire to see them causes me to wish I was there with you, so I could get to see their faces one last time. It's not fair, Harry, that they were ripped away from us so young, that you never got a chance to get to know them. And it's all my fault. No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I still blame myself for their deaths.

Harry, I'm sorry I wasn't able to protect you this year. I ate rats and hid out in caves for you, but even that wasn't enough. I wasn't able to save you from the horrible tragedy you just had to witness, and for that, I am truly, truly sorry. I had a feeling something like this was going to happen at the end of the Triwizard Tournament, and my instincts proved to be right. I could smell a rat from miles away, and it was a literal one, that little bastard Peter.

I knew something was horrifically wrong when I was lying in Hagrid's pumpkin patch. I heard screaming, yelling, and sobbing coming from the Quidditch pitch, and I immediately knew it had something to do with you, Harry. As soon as McGonagall came to inform me that I needed to go with her up to the Headmaster's office, I knew that something awful had occurred. And then, minutes later, there you were, white and shaken, lost and haunted, vulnerable, and it breaks my heart to see you like this.

But I must tell you, Harry, that you are truly your father's son. Your bravery, your tremendous strength through the ordeal that befell you, makes me prouder of you than I have ever been before. The fact that you were honorable and brought young Cedric's body back to his family and friends shows what a wonderful boy you truly are. Your father would have done the same thing, Harry, and I'd like to think I would have too. It's true that I would have died for you, died for your mother and father, died for Remus, even died for Peter. Because that's how strong of a friendship we had. But I would also fight for a perfect stranger, and I can tell you would, too, if it came down to it. The spark in your eyes tells me of this fact.

Seeing you now, lost and alone, looking like a little boy, reminds me of that awful Halloween night when I saw you in Hagrid's arms. Your beautiful green eyes were shining at me, eyes just like your mother's. You had a look of complete trust on your face when you saw me. You immediately believed that I'd take care of you, and Harry, my precious godson, I feel that I've failed. You are looking at me with the same look now, and kiddo, it's breaking me. If I could, I would take all the pain away that you now feel, transfer it all to myself. A beautiful boy like you shouldn't have to deal with the heartache and trauma of violent death this soon. I don't know how close you were to Cedric, you never talked about him during our meeting in the cave or in your letters, so I don't think he was one of your friends. But nevertheless, Harry, I feel awful that you had to witness such a devastating thing, and I know you feel guilty about not being able to save his life.

Dear Prongslet, please don't feel this way. I know it's hypocritical of me to say this, because I feel bad every single day for not being able to save your mother and father's lives. I also see the guilt in your haunted green eyes: you feel it's your fault the boy is dead. Oh, Harry, it's not your fault at all, it's all Voldemort's. I guess we'll have to struggle through this together, huh, kiddo? We have a burden of guilt to deal with. But together, I know you and I can get through this, pup. Padfoot will always be here for you. I know it will take a while to get over this, but I will be with you every step of the way.

I want you to always know, Harry, that I love you very, very much, and I'm so glad you know the truth about me. As I told you in the Shrieking Shack, I would have died before I let Voldemort get his hands on you, and this still holds true today. If I have to, Prongslet, I will die protecting you, and if that happens, I will most likely die in battle. If this occurs, kiddo, please don't blame yourself for my death either. It's the way I'd have wanted to go, to fight for you to the end. Even when I am dead, Harry, my love will always be with you, and I hope you will always remember me.

I hope Dumbledore lets you leave his office soon, Harry, so you can go and have a sleep. You deserve it after all you've been through. Once again, I'm so terribly sorry for not being able to stop this tragedy, but know that no matter what happens, you will always have me; you'll always find me in your heart. Look for me, and I'll always be there.

Take care, Prongslet. I will always love you.


End file.
